One comment I read said something along the lines of (sorry in advance, I can’t remember where I read this!) Jane Doe in England might not know the soldier from Kansas to mourn his death, but she knew Michael Jackson. I feel along the same lines. I think the coverage was excessive, but considering who Michael Jackson was, that’s about the coverage I’d expect!

I think it can be hard for those of us in the military to come to terms with the fact that people in the general population probably are not thinking about the war, the cost of war, the families that are alone, the parents who send their children off to fight and never have them return home, daily like many of us are. In my own family my Grandpa was in the Army and my Uncle in the Marines. My Grandpa was in WWII and my Uncle in Vietnam. My husband is in the Navy and though there are sailors in Iraq and Afghanistan, they aren’t mentioned nearly as much as soldiers (yes, it’s upsetting to me to see the majority of things referring to the soldiers at war, considering it’s more then soldiers, but that’s for another time). My husband isn’t there and he’s been deployed numerous times over the years he’s been in the Navy because that’s just how the Navy works.

I think people in the general population do recognize the lives lost despite not thinking about it daily – for us it is our life, it is what we are a part of, for them – it’s their friends child, their brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces, kids they watched growing up, kids who had kids, and more. People watch the news and see the coverage about the war. Entire towns and communities and families hearts are broken over the losses of these people. Their hearts are broken.

Since my husband isn’t directly at war I don’t think about the what if of him not coming home. I don’t have any plans. But I know so many people who do. And my heart hurts for them. To even have to make those plans is a so difficult. To have to think of the possibilities of your loved one not coming home is something I’d rather block out. Sure that doesn’t help the situation, but for me, for right now, it’s the easiest thing to do.

Add to that I’m a person who grieves in private. I’ve always held my emotions close to me. Yes I wrote about my Grandma dying and my son, but that’s it. And sure that is out there online, but I don’t tell people I just met easily. Friends and family know about George, and I ended up telling a few friends when we lived in Texas, but that’s my business, our family business. That’s my kids who think about the brother they never got to know and my husband who didn’t get another son. It’s me having life inside of me and then it was gone. I don’t talk about that because my soul hurts with the loss. I don’t share about the issues in dealing with my Grandma’s Memorial or our plans or lack of plans for more children. Maybe having others know what I’m going through would expand the circle for which I would be able to draw support from, but who I am, I mean, my personality is such that I just don’t share that way.

Grieving for a celebrity is so different then grieving for a family member or someone you knew. Grieving for Michael Jackson is a sign of the loss of a fantastic performer, someone who entertained people for the majority of his life. And then you go about your business. You go to work and do laundry and go to meeting and file papers and play catch with your kids.

When someone you love, someone you watched grow up or gave birth to or so many other scenarios, dies the loss is felt in your soul. It is felt to the core of your body and changes who you are. From that moment forward you are a changed person. Your body aches when you think of them and your tears come easily.

Entire towns, communities and family are aching and how they deal with it is their business. I don’t want anyone I know to have a funeral broadcast over tv and have millions of people grieve for them, because that grief is short lived.

Hearts Are Broken is a post from: me being crafty

Tricare is the health insurance we have in the military and so far, in the seven plus years we’ve been married I have had few (as in maybe one) issue with them. I had a great doctor when pregnant with Alice and after she was born, another great doctor with Jake and after he was born. We had an immediate transfer to a specialist when our issues with George first came up and fantastic doctors after that. I’ve had a doctor here or there who didn’t fit with me, which I either complained about (in one case) or didn’t go see again (in the other case).

But this. This is crazy! And it’s not a doctor complaint, but really more like a process complaint.

Chris got a referral for equipment he needs and gave me a phone number to call so they would get our updated address. Since we moved out of housing we do have a forwarding address and so while we will eventually get our mail, that won’t happen for a few weeks. I called the number he gave me three times and left messages, all I wanted to do was verify they got the new address.

I got a call back this morning and the woman I spoke with apologized because she was away due to an emergency – which I completely understand, but why wouldn’t the system offer you a way to get a secretary or someone else in that case?

She was able to give me a copy of his referral and even stayed after the office closed in order to give it to me. I had a couple of other errands to run and figured the medical equipment office would be open until 5 so I could still call them this afternoon.

Then I call the number and it was disconnected. I thought I dialed wrong, but nope, it was disconnected. A call to Google 411 found me the same answer. Okay fine, I’ll drive over quickly and talk to them in person. Except the address on the paperwork was for a local car dealership.

So what do we have – no phone number and no office. Luckily for me, I have a Blackberry. I did a search for the company name and the town – nothing. Then I did a search for the name and neighboring town since that one is bigger and found an office. I called and talked to someone. I was under the impression that we just needed the piece of paper and we could walk into the office, pick up what we needed and walk right out.

Yeah, right. Chris needs an appointment on a day when a clinician can see him. And it will need to be about an hour long appointment. Put that together with 16 hour days and us wanting to leave right when leave starts and you have a frustrated me!

Now I have to make another call at 8AM on Monday, hope that office will fax paperwork quickly, then the medical supply office has to fax something else to the dr after the first office faxes. Then once that is done I have to hope the dr will sign the paper quickly so Chris can get an appointment as soon as possible. He said maybe he’ll be able to take an hour and a half off to get to the dr Tuesday – but he can only go on Tuesday if the paperwork is all complete.

Why did they (medical in this case) make it seem like we just take that paper in and we could walk right out?

And the wrong number and address?! That is just unacceptable. I am going to call on Monday and let them know, maybe they just have the wrong info in the system. Whatever the case is, I knew it needed to be done so I made the calls I had to. I know Chris doesn’t have the patience to deal with figuring it all out. I can’t imagine that others would either.

This is the worst experience we’ve had – which really isn’t anything that bad to have to deal with in the grand scheme of things. And I am so glad she called me back today – if we didn’t get a chance to take care of it until we were gone from TX we would have had to start about half way over.

Tricare Issues is a post from: me being crafty

There is a new blog for us military spouses of the liberal persuasion! Check out Left Face – lots of great people are contributing and a few posts are up already. Come on over and check it out!

New Blog – Left Face is a post from: me being crafty

The Nebraska is homeported in Washington, where we used to live. We have a handful of friends who have been on the boat over the past few years, one of DH’s oldest military friends was on it when the class they were in all got out of school. They were who we hung out with during the last part of school though once we lived in the same area we didn’t keep in as close of contact. The sailor’s name has not been released yet though the cause of death has.

It is accidents like this – and it was an accident – that scare submariner wives. I can’t imagine getting a call and the other person saying “Something happened, it wasn’t your husband and I can’t tell you anymore.” I don’t know what the ombudsman said to people (an ombudsman is the connection between the wives and the boat) but those all had to have been hard calls to make.

My thoughts and prayers are with the crew of the Nebraska and the friends and family. The submarine community often feels very small as you run into someone you know just about anywhere, and certainly on the bases each of us end up transferred to. Chris’ job changed completely and we ran into someone friends of ours know! It is a small community, one that pulls together to support each other during the times the support is needed.

Tragedy Aboard USS Neb is a post from: me being crafty

Chris and I on graduation day

Yes, I am as surprised as you. I guess I was hoping for Washington so much, I didn’t think there would be a problem going back! So Chris calls and says we can go here, here, Texas, or here. And none of those “here” locations were what I wanted. It threw my day for a loop and I spent it researching each location. We didn’t have to take Texas, but it was the best for us.

So I will end my stay with my Dad and move on to hotter areas! We leave in a couple of weeks – stopping to see a pregnant friend and then stopping to stay a day back home with Grandma. I’m already thinking we may stay for two days back home because who knows when we will get to see her again. It is interesting to note that from Grandma to my Mom and from Grandma to our new place in TX is the same distance. One just goes west and the other goes south. That makes me feel closer.

I’ve been looking up schools for the kids (one sounds great, one is just eh), utility companies (in Texas you can pick your electric company!) and faxing paperwork to the housing office. We should have a house ready and waiting for us when we arrive – hopefully anyway as we are moving ourselves. I can’t imagine staying in a hotel and paying for the uhaul (or whatever company we end up going with!) for days over what they say it should take us to move. I’m calling this week to get the house business finished up!

Crafting has been few and far between the past couple of weeks. I am still doing the craft podcast and if you have any ideas, suggestions, want to be a guest, anything like that then leave me a comment! I have a lot of show ideas and am not against recording now when the mood hits you.

I did get a new craft book and start a new project!

Moving to Texas is a post from: me being crafty