Questioning Everything

I feel like I’m at the moment in my life where I am questioning everything. I turned 30 this past June and for a moment I was thinking “have I done enough so far?” I’ve always had goals – I had a well laid out plan of what my 20s were going to be like: college, grad school, what I wanted to do. Then I veered major off course and got married, had kids and moved a handful of times.

I still haven’t finished college and I really want to. I still want to go to grad school. I still want the things I wanted when I was 16 and had my life planned out.

So what is it going to take to get there? One thing that holds me back from finishing college is algebra. Yep, one lousy algebra class! I’ve never loved math so I took the math classes I figured I would need back when I first started college. Then I transferred to the Univ of Wyoming and they wouldn’t accept the credits which meant I had to take algebra. Nevermind that I also took other math classes at UW – algebra seemed to be holding me back. I ignored that for the two years I was there and took other classes that did count. Well that and going to school online, that holds me back too. That’s tough for me since it is just way too easy to get distracted. But I can’t imagine what it would be like to be in a class!

So then I transferred again – and I still needed algebra. I still need algebra. I’m looking to take it independent study so I can just get it out of the way – not from the school I will graduate from but from a community college, to save on cash. Yep, paying out of pocket for college does change things! Once I get that class done I will get back to school and just do it. We are moving again in the spring so I could be left in the dark and not be able to get started until the summer but at this point I’m going to try to start in the spring.

Plus my brother is going through lots of life changes and he’s going back to school. He’s two years younger then me and the program he’s going to do will have him done in two years. He’s excited and school for him starts in a few weeks. And I’m so close to being done I’ve already said I need to graduate before him.

And working online is changing for me. I have some decisions to make and need to be consistent now that one big problem has been knocked out of the water. It’s amazing how one thing can trip you up so bad for so long!

I hung up all of our family pictures yesterday. I it made me smile to wake up and see familiar faces staring back at me. Today feels like one of those days when you say “once this is done, then I’ll do that” – when really, “that” is what should be done first and it’s just avoidance.

I’m going to hang one more thing and get to work. The “that” needs to be taken care of today.