The other night my Mom forwarded my Grandma’s obituary to me. She wanted me to read it before sending it on to one of my Uncle’s and a cousin. I started crying just as I started reading it. I suppose that’s a normal reaction. It’s been just over a month and I think of her throughout the day every day. I used to call her when I did the dishes or cleaned up the house. I don’t like doing those tasks so usually called to visit and it would go faster. I’d call to ask how to cook something, what to use on a burn or cut or what to give my kids for a cold. I called for anything and everything – and I can’t do that anymore.

I haven’t gone so far as to pick up the phone and dial. Even if I did, no one would answer because my cousin who lived with her works all day. It’s strange to not be able to call. I still think oh I should call to visit, to ask, for her to remind me – and then a brief moment later realize that it isn’t possible anymore. Of course this is hard, it’s going to be hard for who knows how long.

She always ended a call or a visit by saying “okay I’ll be here” – and now she isn’t.